So I've decided to write today about Kael's brother, Ronin...because Kael's story is about all of us in the Hsiao clan. Ronin, my oldest, my warrior, I can already see, will be the protector of his siblings. He is fiercely loyal, brave, yet compassionate. A typical response from Ronin if he overhears Michael and I talking about what we would do if someone hurt Kael (like a caretaker) would be, "I'll punch them in the head and then push them down!!" He doesn't have rage so much as righteous indignation. I could totally see him becoming one of those undercover agents who goes into Third World countries and rescues children from slavery.
Even though he is strong and brave, he is also a big lover. Still sleeps in the room with us, although he has (unwillingly) graduated to his own bed. He wants to hug and kiss often and tell us he loves us every chance he can. I love this super smart, amazing kid!
The problem is...he is active. Anyone who knows him, knows I don't just mean normal kid active. I mean he NEVER stops!!! He's like the energizer bunny. This was great when it was just Michael, Ronin and me. But now, we have Kael (who is like 3 kids) and the baby, Thane. Michael and I are always tired, always stressed...never at our best. And for some reason, Ronin always picks the time when I'm in the middle of something with Thane and Michael is in the middle of something with Kael to jump on our backs. Needless to say, our reaction is NEVER good. You'd think he'd learn...but he just keeps on coming. And it's so hard to deal with. Not just for the aggravation of it all, but the guilt we feel for having to push him off or tell him we can't talk right now.
Sure, we give him lots of time and play, but he's the only one who is told, "I can't deal with that right now." Kael wouldn't understand, even if we could tell him that. And Thane, well, is 6 months old. Out of the three, Ronin is the only one who knows he is shuffled aside.
I struggle with this...all the time. I worry so much that when he grows up, he will resent Kael, resent us for putting Kael's needs before his.
But that is where grace comes in. I pray that Ronin will have the grace he needs to see how much we love him. I also pray that Michael and I will have the grace to trust that this journey with Kael is God's plan for Ronin's life, just as much as it is God's plan for Michael's and my life.
I couldn't agree more with that last paragraph. I know that God has given Ronin a deep faith and I completely believe that God will continue to meet him with grace to deal with these things even as he gets older. Ronin is such a good kid and I can't wait (almost can't imagine) how God is going to use him in this life...He already is!
ReplyDeleteI love Ronin and YOU:)
Bravo, Mom and Dad! Each child has different needs and receives what they need differently...even if the needs were identical, they would need different things because of how God made/wired them. You guys are doing a great job!! Know that God is active in Ronin's heart and mind just as with Kael and even Thane. You are so right...none of this happens to any of you "by accident"--God IS working in you all to create you more and more into the Image of His Son. He created each of your hearts uniquely to uniquely reflect His Heart to your world. He uses all of life to polish up the hearts to reflect more accurately. He is just your little active Mirror for Christ. God uses him to polish you up, too. Sometimes it's not fun with all the friction...but God is at work and going GOOD things for you all and for His Glory! He shines so brightly through your family--even if you can't see the brightness of it--others do! Keep it up! You are so loved and cared for by so many. Never give up in the work of Love!
ReplyDeleteHugs! Hang in there. May God infuse you and Michael each day with His Own Strength, Wisdom, and Courage! -Paula
We pray daily for all of you! Geoffrey goes through the same "oldest kid" problems. Sometimes I feel so guilty when I have to leave him crying to take care of the younger ones. We've taken to making sure that when things are calm, we take him aside and tell him how proud we are of who he is and how grown up he has become. (He usually ends up crying again out of joy for being recognized.) May God bless you both and send you the patience and grace to follow His path especially through the hard times. We love you all and miss you so much!
ReplyDeleteI love reading about your beautiful family Katherine. Thanks for sharing your heart---You are so honest. Sounds like you are hangin' in... Who knew that perseverance was so important? God keeps supplying it. I miss and love you!!!
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